KMHHH # 103
The Don H0 Hula Hash
5, April, 2000
In the name of bad fashion and tourists everywhere the Kiss My Hash
House Harriers decided to party Hawaiian style. Haring the trail were our own
“beach bunnies” Le Femme Nikita and Chicken Ph*cker. In a “rainbow” of colours, coconut bras, and grass skirts the
pack took to the shiggy and streets of North Central San Antonio. As a special bonus, the hounds were treated
to a little bit of Hawaii on trail. This included the experience on being on a
“private beach,” unfortunately it was someone else’s! The Don Ho Hula Hash nearly became “Hawaii 5-0.”
Meanwhile, Deep Throat was off trying to capture his own “island
girl,” instead he grabbed Le Femme Nikita.
Soon the rest of the pack caught up, all in search of “bubbles, tiny
bubbles,” hopefully floating in beer. Coming in as FRB (Front Running Bastard)
was Moby Dick. He might not have “danced the dirty hula” on trail, but he was
the most “leid” on trail. The final
arrival at the Luau Down-Down, and the last to find her “cheese burger in
paradise,” was DFL (Dead F*cking Last) Maxwell Twat.
Next it was time to find a worthy recipient to bow on their knees,
and pay homage to the god of heinous acts. After considering Chicken Ph*cker
and Scratch n’ Sniff’s Hashshite “virtues,” the hounds elected co-hare Le Femme
Nikita. They hoped by offering up Le Femme they might end their recent rash of
run-ins with psychotic home owners. From the “rage” the hounds moved onto the
“rag,” better known as the Mop Squeezer Award. There was not a shortage of
contenders vying for the honour of “being on the rag.” Up & Out couldn’t
control his b*tch, Moby went from the being the white whale to the whining
whale, Claptomania was getting cold feet, among other body parts, and Rear
Ender. Despite all their pathetic pleas it was Horse’s Ass persistent fear of
being “exposed,” as a hasher than won her the award. The Stud Award was the last major award to be given. It was true
that John Doe pounded his “wood” in earnest, trying to win. However, he
apparently didn’t go “long enough” or “hard enough” to out do Tekillya Tits
being named Miss Nude Texas Interhash
2000.
Amongst all this there were names to be awarded. It was determined
that there was enough dirt, twisted tales, and other laughable events to
constitute naming Virgin Vomit, Heidi, Garry, Reva, and Angela. From hence forth in the KMHHH Virgin Vomit
will retain his name, Heidi will be known as Saturday Night Beaver, Garry as Once
Cocked Twice Shy, Reva as Butt Rogers, and Angela as Backfire.
Finally, there was the Jerry Louis Award. All contestants,
including No Name Jeremy, Le Femme Nikita, Georgette, Forest Hump, Gee Whiz,
and Moby Dick were made to drink. This was after the hounds suffered through
their worst attempts at humour. With the hash hymnal sung the 1st
Anal Don Ho Hula Hash came to a close.
On-On
Fire In The Hole
Ñ “John Doe, you’ll have time to
pound your wood later.” -Deep Throat
Ñ “I ‘leid’ myself on trail.” – Little
Woody
Ñ “Horse’s Ass needs to wax her
bush.” – Seven Year B*tch
Ñ “But I like it long and
painful.” – Her Royal Hein Ass
Ñ “So, you lost your wood, Up
& Out.” – Deep Throat
Ñ “Look, Up & Out found his
long hard thing.” – Moby Dick