The San Antonio Riverwalk "was seeing red," as the Kiss My Hash House Harriers took to the downtown streets. In honour of Valentine's Day, Hares Le Femme Nikita and Little Woody helped a red dress wearing pack "paint the town red." Short Cummings and his Virgin Kathy were "REaDy willing and able" to follow them. Through the streets the hounds ran, with the men earning their "Red Badge of Courage" for wearing their dresses.

Doggie Style led the way to the Down-Down as FRB (Front Running B*st*rd). When all had finally arrived at the trail's end, including DFL Scratch n' Sniff, beer wasn't the only thing waiting. There was "red whine," namely in the form of Up & Out. His whining about getting lost on the previous week's trail, combined with fussing over having to wear a red dress, earned him the Mop Squeezer Award.

Next it was a "red letter" moment for Multiples: Captain Cathader (10), Deep Throat (70), Fire In The Hole (25), Forest Hump (30), Rear Ender (50), and Scratch n' Sniff (85). After that there was some "stiff" competition for the Stud Award. Backdraft did his best impression of a "Red Rider" roaring up to the Down-Down wearing his red dress on his Harley. Kermit personally replenished the beer cooler, John Doe saved the hares from being snared, Crack Flasher and Roasted Nuts might not have had whips, butt hey were certainly "chained" together, by a pair of handcuffs, Virgin Vomit shaved his "shapely" legs, and Moby Dick tried to live up to his name by walking through Bourbon Street's gay district with a container full of Vaseline in his pocket. After all the votes had been counted it was agreed the most studly act of the night should be awarded to Chicken Ph*cker. "Roxanne" may not have to put on a "red light," but Chicken was certainly ready for the "red light district" in his sheer negligée. Chicken was slightly "em-bare-ass-ed" by all of this, so much so his "cheeks were red," all four of them!

By now it was time for all of the "ladies in red" to vote for the best dresser hasher. Potential winners included: "Litle Red Riding Hood," Tekillya Tits, who got to grandma's underwear before the big bad wold did; "Red Hot" Roasted Nuts, with his Madri Gras mask and matching feather boa; a "Simply Red," Virgin Vomit in his fishnet stocking, and finally the winner, Chicken Ph*cker, who not only "went into the red," but went far past it. "Roses may be Red, and Violets maybe blue, but none of the hounds, could believe Chicken's outfit was true!" For his efforts he was award the prestigious San Francisco Ken Doll, complete with red dress and gerbil.

From the notable to the notorious it was time for the Hashite Award, that which is given for the most vile, foul, and heinous act. There were many wrongs to choose from, including: Moby Dick driving over the chalk bucket, Virgin Shoes and Betty Crock -a-Shit discarding their red dresses early, Forest Hump abandoning Fire in the Hole in New Orleans, and Deep Throat for not knowing difference between a skirt and a dress. Finally, however, "sucking it down" from the plunger was Up & Out, for in inability "to let it all hang out," at least when it came to his red dress.

No Down-Down would be complete without the Jerry Lewis Competition. Le Femme Nikita, Crack Flasher, Up & Out, Forest Hump, Bronco Boy, and Anal Flower all gave it their worst shot. As the circle closed somehow Anal Flower lost his Jerry Lewis Crown to Bronco Boy. With the Riverwalk left in an uproar, red dresses in tatters, the KMHHH moved on to consume more beer, which is the only thing that really matters.

On-On

Fire In The Hole

f "What does 69 look like?" Fire in the Hole to up & Out