The Kiss My Hash House Harriers ended up playing Indiana Jones on this day as they set off on a long "dead" trail laid by Hares Gee Whiz and Feel Me. Through the wild jungles of San Antonio’s medical center the hounds’ expedition was plagued with troubles. The pack resembled ostriches as they aimlessly stared at the ground for any signs of the most elusive hash. Eventually the lost hounds had to be led to the Down-Down, but not without a few misadventures firsts!

"Spiders! Why did it have to be spiders?" asked Backdraft, Le Femme Nikita, and Chicken Phucker after nearly becoming supper for an amazon size arachnid. Meanwhile Horses’ Ass, No Name Sharon, and Fire In The Hole were completely lost and hoped a knight on a white steed would come and rescue them, instead they got Moby Dick a white Malibu. However, after an hour and half on trail, even Moby Dick looked good. Thankfully a few beers later their good sense would be restored.

After everyone finally arrived, Deep Throat began the Down-Down by the light of the moon. Had it not been for some Auto Wanking by Gravy Train, Seven Year Bitch, Miss September, Tekillya Tits, Captain Catheter, Scratch n’ Sniff, Moby Dick, No Name Sharon, Horses’ Ass, and Fire In The Hole, the Down-Down might not have started until sunrise. Nomination for the Stud Award then opened. Up & Out was nominated for his "slip & slide" fall through a slime laden creek and so was Moby Dick for taking his own private harem of ladies to the cinema. Still these acts were nowhere near as studly as Chicken Phucker going back to mark the evening’s trail for the lost hounds and for artfully sneaking in more concessions into the cinema than the entire front snack bar.

Despite the Hares' best efforts to keep the hounds from the Down-Down (which they were made to drink for) the hounds did make it. Fist of Fury was the Front Running Bastard (FRB) of the night. A victim of the hares’ trail was the DFL (Dead Fucking Last), Horses’ Ass. They were joined by the nights only multiple, Tits Everywhere (15). The Violators were the next to be honored: Backdraft for dousing Gee Whiz with beer, and the Non-Apparents Gee Whiz, Feel Me, Up & Out, Fist of Fury, and Ram Butt. The No Blows: Feel Me, Seven Year Bitch, and Gravy Train might all be full of hot air, but it would only be because they forgot their whistles.

The Whiner’s Award, which is given in the form of a Mop, was next. The entire pack could have been nominated, but some hounds stood out more than others. Gee Whiz complained about having to pay when she was a hare and then having to pour beer at the Down-Down. Fist of Fury cried about his arm after slipping and falling, while Anal Flower pouted about not getting to be FRB. As usual though they were no match for Horse's Ass, who complained about Deep Throat spitting on her, stepping on her, and then forgetting her mop and trying to replace it with a puffy branch found on trail.

As the keg lightened, it was on to the imparting of the Hashshit. The Hares were duly offered forth for their poor trail along with Chicken Phucker for abusing No Name Sharon, by bruising her and being mean to her, and for forgetting to bring the Hashshit. Although both these acts were heinous they still weren’t enough. So Horse's Ass was asked to fall to her knees to be serenaded by the hounds for telling fairy tales about Chicken Phucker and kicking an injured Captain Catheter.

It may be a long before the Super Bowl, but somewhere in between the Hashshit and the Jerry Lewis Award, Chicken Phucker decided to help Horse's Ass cool off by dousing her with the water cooler. Too bad his aim was off and instead he hit many of the hasher’s bags. Still there was a litany of truly awful jokes to get through, but none worse than Nickelodeon’s number one viewer Anal Flower and his "hare" joke.

So with the Down-Down complete, the hashers went off in search of nourishment and beverages. Deep Throat even courteously lit the way with a little extra "moonlight." After a meal at Hooters, the pack left with full stomachs and a few mementos to remember the evening by. They then walked/staggered back to O’Malley’s to continue the evening’s festivities until the early hours of the morning.