The Kiss My Hash House Harriers were all decked out in patriotic red, white and blue to celebrate the Fourth of July as the were led on their 81^st hash by hares Deep Throat and Rear Ender. However, it seems none of the Hounds bothered to explain to a Union Jack clad Moby Dick, that this day was to celebrate America’s victory over England!

The hare’s trail was a winding combination of streets and shiggy below the Olmos Dam. A group of slower and injured hounds became cut off from the rest of the pack and like the famed Dr. Livingston wandered aimlessly through the towering jungle of shiggy. But their side-track was not without its moments. No Name John in his lame Tarzan impersonation attempted to cross a small river by scaling a fallen tree. Unlike the grace and agility of Walt Disney’s Tarzan, No Name’s John’s brief efforts were followed not by a call of the jungle, but a yelp and a large splash. This most daring action led to the group awarding him the regenerated Stud Award over the limp nominations of Anal Flower’s marathon efforts at Beach to Bay and Little Woody assisting Fire In The Hole in shrinking the "mini stud".

Besides burs, bugs, and plenty of beer our "virgins:" Buffalo Balls, Limpy Jimpy, Ann, and Brenda were indoctrinated to the ways of the Kiss My Hash at the Down-Down as Deep Throat continued dole out the drinking privileges upon the group. This week’s Front Running B*st*rd (FRB) was awarded to No Name John Ruibal. While Feaster and his four legged furry ladies, Brew Dog and S& M drank for being Dead F*cking Last (DFL).

As a special holiday bonus an American Flag was hidden on the trail and was found by Roasted Nuts, who received a patriotic t-shirt. This was followed by awarding of the Hashshit, that dishonor placed upon the hasher who commits the most heinous and foul act. Once again this week’s winner had little competition. Weak nominations were made for Moby Dick for using Horse’s Ass head for target practice with a volley ball at Tit’s Everywhere Spur’s party and for John Doe for pushing Virgin Shoes into the dirt at Wicked Shiggy’s first softball game. But it was Little Woody, who was down on his knees drinking from the plunger for helping Fire In The Hole emasculate the Stud Award and then letting her take the credit and blame for it. The Mop Squeezer Award went reggae after a colorful paint job and the addition of some lovely beads by Horse’s Ass. Nominees for the Mop Squeezer were soggy as well this week. Virgin Shoes was nominated for whining about being pushed in the dirt by John Doe; Up & Out for complaining there wasn’t enough shiggy on the first part of the trail, and of course Horse’s Ass, for being well, Horse’s Ass. Amazingly enough despite all her beautification efforts on the mop Horse’s Ass set a record of sorts. For the second week in a row she received not a single vote. Instead our biggest whiner was our own RA, Deep Throat, who in the process of nominating his co-hare Rear Ender managed to whine more than the entire pack combined.

Le Femme Nikita was our only Multiple of the night with 40 runs. The violators abounded and were duly ordered enter the circle repent with a frosty beverage. These included: Fists of Fury, Scratch & Sniff, Little Woody, and Ram Butt. Violations ranged from Christian, Muslim, and Jewish names to allowing the beer driver to leave early. Filthy Faucet Feaster was the champion violator of them all, with offences too numerous to list.

The evenings festivities concluded with us recognizing the non-appearance hashers and the Jerry Lewis Award. Camel Jockey, Forest Hump, and Horse’s Ass graced the circle with their presence while Anal Flower and Scratch & Sniff’s jokes were no match for the winning and completely botched chalk drawing joke by Camel Jockey and Deep Throat.