So, I’m (IMMACULATE MARY) returning from one of our copious bad trails when this, long, dark thick object slithers across my path. By the time it registered what it was (I’m blonde, you know), I was already past it. When I caught up to my co-HARES, LA FEMME NICKITA & MOBY DICK, they asked what I was screaming about. So I told them about my close call and they said, "Did you lay a BC there?" Did I WHAT??? Yeah! I followed the big-ass rattlesnake into the woods and laid a BE CAREFUL sign right on his scaly back! I was fine, by the way, don’t be concerned about my adrenaline splooge. Not long after that, however, I received another shot of adrenaline because FRUIT LOOP, with his big studly slab of wood, zenned across a field and almost caught us! We split up (hence, the copious amounts of true trails) and made our way towards the DOWN DOWN. Our true trails merged eventually and most of the hounds found their way to the beer. FRUIT LOOP, of course, was the FRONT RUNNING BASTARD. He didn’t get to cut out much of the trail, however, so he really earned it this time! It was close for the DEAD F’NG LAST hound, we thought it might be DRY HUMP as a car load of hounds passed him and waved while he was meandering Thousand Oaks. The DFL was a virgin, NO NAME SETH, for having to drive to the DOWN DOWN. Speaking of VIRGINS, NN Seth was joined by NN Carl, NN Maureen, and FAG SUCKER (I don’t name ‘em, I just write the danG trash). Despite his bloody, dirty wounds for falling in some really sharp mud, MOBY DICK did not receive the STUD award. It was given, instead, to LA FEMME for his fortitude in putting up with our insidious comments about his adventures with NN Mari. Speaking of NN Mari, she and NN Debbie were FIVE TIMERS, so we named her. We had lots of good stories, she gave us ample material with her ENERGIZER BUNNY-esque whining (On the Rag), her air leak (Butt Whistle), her affiliation with the infamous LA FEMME NAKITA (La Femme’s Prick), her failure to resist cactus (Cactapussy), and her dumbsumbitch friend who couldn’t recognize semen under a microscope (Immaculate Conception). These weren’t good enough however, so in honor of NN Mari’s beloved STICKMAN she will forever be known as HORSE’S ASS! NN Debbie departed before we could impart a proper name, we’ll catch up to her later. We promise! J The HASHIT was bestowed also, on HORSE’S ASS for doing something heinous, I’m certain. The gutter vixen imbibed in her frothy elixir on her knees, as the tradition requires. There was a multitude of VIOLATORS who somehow broke with one of our time honored traditions such as MOBY DICK & UP AND OUT for no whistles, NN Steve, HARE LINE CRACK, DEEP THROAT, VIRGIN SHOES, HORSE’S ASS, and all the Virgins for a bunch of stuff I can’t remember. Then there was the MOP SQUEEZER, the individual who moans and whines the loudest and most often. It wasn’t close, HORSE’S ASS received this award with no competition. The group of people who managed not to make a peep during the entire DOWN DOWN are called the NON-APPARENTS, they were FILTHY FAUCET FEASTER, SCRATCH AND SNIFF, LIL WOODY, VIRGIN SHOES, PHOQUE EWE, NN Brent, NN Heidi, NN Patrick. Finally, the KMHHH OFFICIAL JERRY LEWIS nominees told us their absolute worst jokes including SCRATCH & LIL WOODY. AINTNO FLOUR was the worst, however, and we made him drink for torturing us!