Apparently, the hounds felt that the HARES, LA FEMME NICKITA, IMMACULATE MARY & NO NAME JULIAN, had gone absolutely mad when we said the trail was a little over 3 miles. We had planned a beer/water stop, but POPE was our shag wagon dude and he wasn’t able to make it, so we made do with what we could! However, even BACK DRAFT thought this trail was longer than three miles, which means it must be true. He’s the only man I’ve ever met who UNDERestimates the length of things. So the trail was long, hot, and hilly, and we led some wickedly long bad trails which seemed to trip everyone up—an excellent trail by my standards despite the curmudgeonly crowd giving us a thumbs down!! No Name Matt thinks the reason the hounds didn’t snare us is because No Name Julian is so pale that they thought he was hash and didn’t bother to sprint to catch up to him. We had several young virginal wannabees on this run, to include: NO NAME JULIAN, NO NAME MATHEW, NO NAME DASH, NO NAME DEBBIE, and NO NAME TIM. The first one in to the DOWN DOWN no matter how much he whines about it, is the FRB, or Front Running Bastard. DEEP THROAT received the dishonor on this occasion. The last one in to the DOWN DOWN is the DFL (you figure out what the acronym stands for)--the least motivated hound to enjoy a frothy mug of the beverage of their choice. We made it a family affair this time—REAR ENDER was the dishonorable hare to come in last. The MULTIPLE hound of the day was UP AND OUT with 10 runs. The only veteran hound to have a missing blow job (whistle) was PEP BOY—better see if FILTHY FAUCET FEASTER can give you one of his!!! The HASHIT is awarded to the hound who performed the most heinous activity during the hash. LI’L WOODY was nominated for volunteering (don’t you learn in the service that you never volunteer for anything?). SCRATCH N SNIFF was nominated for his directionless directions. These were not good enough, though, so we allowed NO NAME MATT to swill the precious liquid carbohydrates from the plunger of doom for his ability to be a walking hormone, throw beer on the On Sec and multitudinous additional altercations. The MOP SQUEEZER title is presented to the hasher with the most squabbling and quibbling during the Down Down. I was nominated for some bogus charge of not wanting to drink from the plunger of shame, REAR ENDER & CAMEL JOCKEY were nominated for whining up a dangerous hill in front of our minors, and LITTLE WOODY was nominated because he lived up to his name once again and in a jealous rage, chopped the end of the mop off. We didn’t really need to vote at all after LITTLE WOODY dismembered his mop! We were especially pleased to present CAMEL JOCKEY with a whip of her own (she held it as though it was a natural part of her). From now on, she will receive a whip check when we do our whistle check. There were quite a few VIOLATERS, LIL WOODY again, for dismembering his member and then exaggerating its size, FRUIT LOOP for pointing, PHOQUE EWE for favoring only one hormonious hasher with her hug (and spilling his beer), NO NAME TIM for using Christian names, SCRATCH N SNIFF for driving illegally on the trail (?), and BACK DRAFT for not finishing a run in Germany. (Hmmm, I must have really been having a good time, because I don’t have any idea what those last two mean!) There was only one NON APPARENT and that was our tow-headed hound, NO NAME PATRICK. Whew, there were a lot of really and truly bad jokes by SCRATCH N SNIFF, IMMACULATE MARY, DEEP THROAT, NO NAME MATT, LIL WOODY, FRUIT LOOP, NO NAME JULIAN and more. I think that NO NAME MATT ably drank to enhance his humor ability. Special thanks to our alternate RA, DEEP THROAT, and alternate ON SEC, REAR ENDER for taking excellent and copious notes for me so I didn’t have to do a DANG thing during the DOWN DOWN.