BACK DRAFT & LA FEMME’S FROLIC IN THE STICKERS 51^ST KMHHH

The hounds dutifully harassed the HARES, BACK DRAFT & LA FEMME NICKITA, for their penchance for long, straight, highway-side, sticker laden trails and their hieroglyphic check back numbers that NO ONE without a degree in ancient backdraftology could decipher! Despite this whining, almost everyone made it to the DOWN DOWN and even unscathed (POPE wasn’t running). For those of us who made it to the DOWN DOWN (hey, even DEEP THROAT made it) the trail turned out to be darned decent one for this, the 51^st running of the KISS MY HASH HOUSE HARRIERS. A little tip for future haring adventures, we like shiggy, but we dislike ripping our skin to shreds on the cockleburs of life!!!!!! LI’L WOODY and IMMACULATE MARY (that’s me) did most of the trail blazing, hopefully marking it well enough for the DFL, REAR ENDER. Ashamedly, IMMACULATE MARY received the dishonor of being the one who made it first to the DOWN DOWN, and was bestowed with the FRB (Front Running Bastard) hat. There were no young, virginal wannabees at this hash, we’ll have try harder next time. There were, however, several MULTIPLICITY recipients: BACK DRAFT (30), POPE-pouri (40), REAR ENDER (5), & No Name Jody (5). It is a tradition at the KMHHH to bestow upon the innocent a Hash name once they have performed five runs. We figure by the time you’ve run with us five times, you are no longer innocent and must receive a name which identifies your true character. REAR ENDER qualified for this dishonor but felt that her hash name from a previous club was still appropriate. Astonishingly, the reason she received this name was because she occasionally would bring up the rear when running with her previous hash club. She vows that this name will no longer be appropriate, and at that time, will request a new hash name. Her buddy, No Name Jody, was not so fortunate. It seems Jody is an intensive care unit nurse, which demonstrates her truly altruistic nature, and explains why she felt the need to become DRY HUMP’s partner (like Florence Nightingale, I reckon). Anyway, her loving and supportive partner, DRY HUMP, could not seem to waver from the theme that she has to ride him all the time to keep him in line (this was extremely surprising to the hash group—NOT!). Because of these issues, these were the names submitted for your disapproval: ON THE RAG, MOIST & MEATY, QUICKIE LUBE, and JIFFY LUBE. These weren’t good enough, however, so from now on in the KISS MY HASH HOUSE HARRIERS, Jody will be known as CAMEL JOCKEY. Now, it seems the hash group was feeling particular vicious on this day, I don’t know why because I am always so meek and demure at these dealies, but you all felt it was necessary to just pick on the innocent. The reason I bring this up is because I was the recipient of the dishonor of the dreaded HASHIT. The Hashit is given to the hound or hare who has committed the most heinous misdeed of the day. There were some very good nominations, No Name Matt for exposing himself to two men (so what if it was his ankle?), DRY HUMP for being the Ted Eubanks (Chuck Woolerie for us youthful people) of the Hash and abandoning us after introducing us to the homeless Aussie who thought Energizer Bunny had nice "sticks," and ONE A DAY for pretending she was puking so she didn’t have to run at 4:30 in the morning. However, I, IMMACULATE MARY, was politely asked to imbibe from the plunger of shame for attempting to get on "Cops," in our ludicrous rope stealing escapade. (Note to Phil & Bruce—you owe me!) In addition to receiving the Hashit, the hounds felt it necessary to politely request I imbibe for whining about the hieroglyphic six, nine, eight, or three or whatever it was that my buddy BACK DRAFT attempted to write as a check back on the trail. So again, IMMACULATE MARY (that’s me) received the MOP SQUEEZER honor. While we’re discussing it, I also received the honor of imbibing for participating in the BAD JOKES portion of the evening with my "winnie the shit" joke. In the meantime, UP AND OUT & LI’L WOODY were unusually quiet so we made them drink as NON-APPARENTS. There were also No Name Matt & Lisa who weren’t apparent, mostly because they never made it to the DOWN DOWN. Matt claims he told UP AND OUT to tell us to go get them at the house. I think we have some material to work with for our 52^nd running of the KMHHH!!!!!.